October 17, 2003
Je ne porte rien sous mes vÍtements

(Any men reading the title should be, like, so turned on right now)

So.....has anyone actually read the rest of their Cosmo?

Such a wealth of handy information for the single girl, really.

60-Second Seduction Tricks! How to have a Successful Threesome!
And of course a quiz, "Is He Naughty or Nice?"

The "Cosmic Guide to Guys" for Virgo sez:

He's a perfectionist in every area, from work to love to lust. How to wow him: Suggest working out together. He wants a girl who takes care of herself, too. His Sexual MO: He strives for erotic excellence, so be vocal about what you want. Hunk Hurdle: When his know-it-all attitude bugs you, remind yourself that he's trying to help.

And apparently, once the dirty talk, faux enthusiasm over pinball and threesomes help you get that man, you can make him over!

I feel so modern and liberated. Thanks Cosmo!

Of course, the whole book smells good, that's always a plus.
I'm actually amused at the "let's send a shirtless hot guy around town and take pictures of him bowling...shirtless!" spread, and they do feature Keanu in their "Sexiest Movie Guy Moments" page (circa 1991-Point Break-Wet T-Shirt pic).

And I really liked the demographically-telling full page ads for Astroglide and breast enlargement. Why follow the advice in a "What Guys Want in a Girlfriend" article when you can buy it for $2999.00?

Oh wait, speaking of ads....wireless remote butterfly?.....
I think I need one of those.

it wahs | from inside the mind of krix at October 17, 2003 03:17 PM .
Comments

And I'd like to apologize on behalf of Nevada for our contibution to the "50 Sexiest Single Studs in America".
I promise, should I ever cross his path, I will kick him square in the nuts.

Posted by: krix on October 17, 2003 03:53 PM

I just bought my Cosmo yesterday so I haven't had a chance to read yet, but the pictures of Keanu alone are way worth buying the mag for. The Net copies do not do them justice.

On another note, I am, VERY HAPPILY (if you get my drift) married, but I think everyone could benefit from a butterfly!

Oh! also krix, just to let you know, it's MES vÍtements and not MET, which means 'meal' and not 'my'.

Posted by: Zen on October 17, 2003 04:21 PM

Ooooo! And now that you've mentioned it, I am so going to check out mister Nevada! ;)

Posted by: Zen on October 17, 2003 04:23 PM

Whoops, that was totally my typo (fixed) thanks, Zen.

Mr. Nevada is an ASS.
I'd like to do dirty things to Kansas, though.

Posted by: krix on October 17, 2003 04:28 PM

Now I'll have to notice Kansas too! :)

And by the way, Met and Mes, are pronounced the exact same way. So don't worry about it! ;)

Posted by: Zen on October 17, 2003 04:36 PM

I just love the sarcasm dripping from this...lol Cosmo is such an unrealistic magazine. All that crap they 'teach' you to do to get a man. What a waste of a tree.

Posted by: Kat on October 17, 2003 04:44 PM

what, there are words in that mag? hmmm, for some reason i just didn't notice...

Posted by: lori on October 17, 2003 05:04 PM

ROTFLMAO!! You guys are killing me! Ha! Ha! Ha! Thanks for the laughs! :O) I love this blog!

Posted by: Natasha on October 17, 2003 05:25 PM

Every other article is about getting the the big O, the bigger O, and OOO. I never thought it was that hard.

They ought to tell you what to do after you've been married for ten years and you're still getting the big O, and it's even more exciting now that the kids have figured out how to open the bedroom door with a butter knife. Decorative dead bolts. That should be the focus of one of their feature stories. I guess it would really skew their demographics to discuss such domestic stuff.

I remember when they had centerfolds, and haven't bought one in years. It's funnier now, if nothing else. I guess I'll have to admit I'm not their target market anymore (except for this Sweet November issue of course).

Posted by: Chianti on October 17, 2003 06:34 PM

What I don't understand, krix, is how the hell is a woman supposed to walk in a "tight full-length dress" as desired by your dear Mr. Nevada??? Is she supposed to shuffle along like she has a pelvic infection or something?

Oh, and on your "butterfly" page...
I'm pretty certain that that device above it, the Fukuoku (careful!) Power Pack, is what the Zion air-traffic controllers use to maneuver their screens. :)

Posted by: r.j.girl on October 17, 2003 07:44 PM

I know this is off topic, but if you go to Keanuweb, there's a link for a Japanese web site....(the link below)

http://movies.yahoo.co.jp/static/20031016-interview-matrixreloaded_dvd.html

And if you click (right above Joel Silver's head/the picture) and pick your connection it takes you to a cute, albeit loooonnnnggg 15 plus minutes of the Matrix Reloaded DVD party, but sooo worth it towards the end (especially around 10:29 or so). :O) It shows Keanu putting the t-shirt on his head (He's also interviewed pretty early on too). I know, I know, *totally* off topic, but I thought the message I brought would make some people's weekend brighter. It did mine! ;O)

Posted by: Natasha on October 17, 2003 09:34 PM

Thanks Natasha. For some reason, I can't get to that page, but from what I hear it's a good clip.

Posted by: krix on October 18, 2003 09:54 AM

Ah, yet again the fabulous commenteers of keanuvision...fabulous, funny, free women that you are! have made me feel sooo much better. This was my first-ever Cosmo purchase, and I have to admit I thought it was pretty..uh..strange. I mean, why read about this stuff? isn't it more fun to figure it out? And still, the old old emphasis on "getting" a man... ?? It sounds sad to me, but the excellent keanu-content made it all worthwhile! Of course, as a still-single never-married I am hardly in the Cosmo demograpic, probably because I never followed their "advice". Or maybe there's an older version of Keanu out there somewhere, still waiting for me!!

Posted by: bakednudel on October 18, 2003 10:53 AM

Why an older version nudel? The 39 year old model is fantastic! And you really shouldn't settle. ;)

Posted by: Zen on October 18, 2003 12:36 PM

love ya! *hugs*

Posted by: bakednudel on October 18, 2003 01:37 PM

Awwww Krix, I'm sorry you can't see it. I wish I was more computer savvy, so I could send it to you somehow? Maybe someone else knows? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Posted by: Natasha on October 18, 2003 03:34 PM

Oh geez, thank you everyone for your inputs on Cosmo. It's gotten so bad here that Wal-Mart's has it wrapped and stuck it in the back of rack where the pseudo-smut stuff is. I don't think that's such a bad idea, LOL.

Posted by: Raiza on October 20, 2003 09:44 AM
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