June 17, 2004
I have the same style alarm clock
I'm having a stressful day. Tell me a joke or something.
| from inside the mind of krix at June 17, 2004 12:29 PM
I adore this picture...and was waiting to think how I could use it.
But you have a better caption! thanks, krix! I love the way his feet match his hands...uh...if you understand what I mean.
An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for two of his church members, an IRS agent and a lawyer, to come visit him on his deathbed. When they arrived, the preacher motioned one to each side of his bed and took the hand of each man, then just quietly lay there. After a short amount of time the IRS agent, who knew that the preacher had never really cared for either man, asked why he had summoned them both to be with him at the end of his life.
His reply, "Jesus died between two thieves and that's how I want to go too!"
"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." - Anonymous(e)
"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." - Anonymous
"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow." - Jeff Valdez
"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats." - English proverb
"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later." - Mary Bly
"People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life." - Faith Resnick
"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior." - Hippolyte Taine
"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." - Albert Schweitzer
(this is not really a joke, but is funny) A boy told his bus driver, "Let my friend, Jack, off. (Get it?)
Hey! Great quotes, Chianti! :-)
No jokes here, rather stressy myself today :-(
But! I do have loads of hugs! :-)
*hug* HUG* *hug* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *hug* HUG* *hug* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *hug* HUG* *hug* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *hug* HUG* *hug* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *hug* HUG* *hug* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *hug* HUG* *hug* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *hug* HUG* *hug* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *hug* HUG* *hug* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *hug* HUG* *hug* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *hug* HUG* *hug* *SMOOCH* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *hug* HUG* *hug* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *hug* HUG* *hug* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *hug* HUG* *hug* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *hug* HUG* *hug* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *hug* HUG* *hug* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *hug* HUG* *hug* *hug* *HUG* *hug* *HUG* *hug*
Oh, and I managed to smuggle a smooch in it as well, but that will be 'our' little secret, OK? ;-D
Btw: Since it's about cats, I hope you're not stressy because of Shock, and that she's doing OK :-)
DOn't think of today: think of tomorrow. And as a beautiful and wise guy said, Tomorrow is always better.
Stef sent this to be today:
Bu, Chu and Fu immigrated to the USA from China.
They decided to become American citizens, and "americanize" their names.
Bu called himself "Buck"
Chu called himself "Chuck"
Fu decided to return to China.
Dunno what happened with the formatting of that last post.
Hope you're ok krixybabe..;)
Just wanted to say that I got my mail today and thanks very much, krixy. You know why. ;)
Thanks, you guys. Cute jokes. :)
I love the quotes Chianti.
2 words: Surprise Audit.
Business (procedural), not personal (thankfully since personally I think receipts are for spitting gum in).
The worst is over, the scary people are gone.
I'm going to go throw up a little bit, then chug some red bull and play some bass.
one morning a wife asked her husband to fix the washer - he said "what do I look like the Matag Man?" the next morning the wife asked her husband to fix the car, he said "what do I look like - the goodrich man?"
the next morning the wife told her husband not to worry about the washer or the car, the man next door had fixed it in return for either sex or cookies. Her husband asked, what kind of cookies did you make? the wife replied "what do I look like - Betty Crocker????"
kinda lame but I hope it helps. ((((((((krix))))))
Woohoo, I'm too late - anyway...
A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary surgery. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, Larry has passed away."
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room, returning a few moments later with a beautiful black Labrador.
As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the dead parrot from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet fussed the dog and took it out, but returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up and also sniffed delicately at the bird. The cat sat back, shook its head, meowed and ran out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry but, as I said, your parrot is most definitely 100 per cent certifiably dead." He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman.
The parrot's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$250!", she cried,"$250 just to tell me my bird is dead?"
The vet shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it the bill would only have been $50, but what with the Lab report and the Cat scan..."
I had the same one, too. And had to burry her yesterday. It‘s the second thread here today, I have to read about cats… strange.
Oh creezy, I'm so sorry.
Well, I heard this somewhere and the more you think about it, the more you have to laugh.
No matter how thin you slice the baloney, you can still break a window with a brick.
Here's one of my favorite business quotes...and I think it sufficiently describes MY day today LOL!
"We didn't actually overspend our budget. The allocation simply fell short of our expenditure." - Keith Davis
*hugz*...hope you feel better Julie! and Krix.
OMG, I was soooo focused on the Feet that I didn't even SEE krix's plea for humor! *badkrixyfan*
and I don't even know a joke...
I'm good at *hugs* though...*hhuuuuuggggsss*
last but not least...)))) he's a kitty one for ya by Steve Martin...:
I gave my cat a bath the other day... He sat there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me. The fur would stick to my tongue... but other than that...
Okay, here's my favourite joke ever. Um, please don't judge me. ;\
A guy goes to pick up a girl for their first date. He's really nervous and this worries him because he tends to fart when he's nervous. When he gets there, the girl isn't ready yet and the guy has to sit with her father while he waits. This makes him more nervous and sure enough, he really needs to fart. The family dog is lying near his chair, so the guy decides that if he lets a fart out quietly, the father might think the dog farted.
So he tries it.
The father looks at the dog and says "Rover."
The guy thinks "It's working", so he lets another out.
The father says "Rover!"
The guy thinks he's got it made so he lets a huge one rip.
The father says "Rover, get over here before that man shits in your face!"
ha aha ahah ah, good one Zen, that made me snigger out loud at work.
Since we've started cracking rude jokes:
Woman is enjoying an afternoon bath when the door bell goes.
"Who is it ?" she calls out, whilst grabbing around for a towel.
"It's the blind man !" comes the reply.
She can't find a clean towel anywhere, and thinks to herself
"Well, I guess if he's blind then it's not really going to matter".
She answers the door and lets him in.
"Nice tits," says the man "Now, where are the blinds ?"
Grasshopper walks into a bar...
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