February 26, 2004
Where in the world is Neo?

Wee Neo has had a bit of wanderlust ever since we returned from Seattle, so rather than listen to him bitch all the time about how I never take him anywhere ("dude, I've got a job. And like....cats and stuff, I can't be jetting around the globe on your whim.") I packed his bags, gave him some pocket money and sent him out into the world. Naturally, the first place he wanted to go was to visit Julie!. I'm so jealous.

Neo went to visit Julie! in Amsterdam and all I got was this blog entry!

Being a man of swift action, the first thing Neo realised upon arriving in Holland was that he needed to have some form of transportation. So, he quickly charmed Julie!’s cat Foodsnatcher into give him piggyback rides wherever he needed to go.

I'm going to resist making a 'bareback' joke here

Then, he also decided that he needed some pictures to send home, so he could have a record of his trip to share with everyone at keanuvision. For this, he enlisted the services of Personal Assistants: Julie! and the beautiful Annabelle, who agreed to take some promotional pictures for him. Being a professional, he also demanded that they carried his bags...

First stop? The Zaanse Schans, an old Dutch village just below Amsterdam.

picturesque, no?

Neo was pleased to find out that in honor of his visit, the inhibitants had decorated their houses with some festive balloons.

Then, Neo was forced to visit the Wooden Shoes Museum, in order to witness how clogs are made.

I think that one's not your size

Frankly, it bored him silly. Using one of his trademark jumps, he quickly got away. Soon after however, Neo realised that there are some advantages to wearing really sturdy shoes. For instance, you can kick butt a lot harder.

Nice CLOGS, Kung-fu boy

And he had to admit to himself that he just looked damned fine in them.

Neo really enjoyed seeing the Dutch windmills up close, and especially liked the way the wind from the mills made his coat flap about.

Windmills are much better than sentinels

After this, he announced that he was ready to see the city of Amsterdam.

First, Neo graciously posed in front of the National Monument on Dam-square, placed opposite of the royal family’s palace. One of the great mysteries that puzzles the Dutch people is if our Queen has ever noticed that whenever she’s looking out of the window, she’s actually staring at a giant penis-shape.

First the giant shoes, now this. Wee Neo is not amused

Formal gatherings and state-visits are being held in front of this thing, too.

And after seeing Neo's tolorant reaction towards SOME Dutch oddities, Julie! and Annabelle decided that it was time to show Neo the REAL Amsterdam, and entered the Red Light district....

Neo: 'Where my bitches at???'

So, this is what it looks like! This picture was moved on purpose, to prevent recognition of the girls and to keep innocent visitors of this blog from freaking out.

To give a general idea: Prostitution is legal in Holland, and in this district, the girls are sitting behind windows, rather then having to walk on the street to pick up customers. This is a much safer way for them to work.

There are about 400 girls working in this particular spot, but there’s ‘districts’ all over the country.

As far as the picture goes: The red stripes are the ‘red lights’, placed above and beneath the windows. If you look at the lowest red light in the right left-bottom corner, you can see an outline of a girl wearing white lingerie.

Neo complained bitterly about this…

Apperently he seems to prefer black rubber.

After looking at all these near-naked ladies, Neo needed to cool off a bit, so he took a dive into the Casa Rosso fountain.

Make a wish

After this, he happily posed in front of a growing crowd of Japanese tourists. Special thanks go to the bouncers of this sex-club, for allowing Julie! and Annabelle to take pictures. You’re much nicer then the bouncers of the ‘banana-bar’ across the street!!!! Greedy bastards!

Then, it was time for Neo to visit one of the girls himself. Mumbling something about ‘research’ and ‘curiosity’, he finally found a girl who agreed to pose with him, on the condition that she could wear a wig to be a bit less ‘recognisable’ (Thanx Mandy!!!) However, she refused to go any further, no matter how much he paid.

pixelated for your protection!
(for a non-pixelated, X-rated version of this photo, click here)

When he asked her why, she vaguely nodded in the direction of her toys, designed to make the customers pay even more if they wish to see her performing certain actions with them. She snickered a little, too.

Mortally insulted, Neo complained bitterly that ‘size’ shouldn’t matter, and fumed that he’d rather spend his 10 dollars somewhere else.

Hey! I sent that ten bucks with him for FOOD!

After this rather embarrassing rejection, Neo decided to calm down by trying another Dutch speciality.

He headed straight for the Bulldog-coffeeshop, one of Holland’s most famous legal hash-selling points.


First, Neo inspected the product. Whoa!


Then, he thanked the cute guy who’s name shall be witheld, for allowing him & 2 giggling girlies to go backstage and photograph his ‘stash’.

After making his purchase, he checked the price-list one more time, to make sure he wasn’t ripped off.

Dude, check out Neo's phat blunt!

About 10 minutes later, Neo realised that the Amsterdam-weed might have been a TAD stronger then the expected.

Dude, I'm The One, and I'm so HIGH... *giggle*

About 20 minutes later, he was so high that he basically didn’t realise ANYTHING anymore.

About 30 minutes later, Neo had a TERRIBLE craving for candy.

I don't even know where to begin trying to caption this one

He also found himself surrounded by strange creatures. He had no idea who or what the hell they were, but found them hysterically funny nevertheless, and laughed so hard he actually fell down from it.

The next day, Neo planned on taking one of Amsterdam’s famous canal cruises.

yay. boats.

However, he decided against it because the whole situation reminded him too much of the script for Speed 2.

This picture is a little shakey, because… Well… The night before was a little rough *cough*....

Next stop: The Heineken Brewery!


Neo personally thanked the Heineken staff for being an intregal part of the massive marketing blitz that surrounded The Matrix sequels.

These guys just look like the kind of guys you want making your beer, huh?

Johan & Henk were thrilled to pose with Neo himself, and had all sorts of good advise on how to deal with banging headaches. After inspecting the rest of the brewery, Neo dragged himself back to Julie!'s flat for some much needed rest.

awww, Neo got some pussy after all...

And snuggling.


Looks like Neo had an amazing Amsterdam adventure!
Sigh, I need to get out more.

BIG LOVE and thanks and kisses to Julie! for showing Neo such a good time and for telling the tale of his adventures!!!

And now, Neo's off to his next stop on the tour!

Do you live in an exotic or interesting locale? Do you have a digital camera?
Do you want Neo to visit you? Email me to see if we can fit you in his itinerary!

neotour | from inside the mind of krix at February 26, 2004 03:08 PM .


Too funny. He's has GOT to come to London. I'll show him a good time...

Posted by: Keanuette on February 26, 2004 03:00 PM

That's just awesome. :) Much love to Julie! Wish I could have come along for the ride. lol

Posted by: Mikey2 on February 26, 2004 03:03 PM

That was the KEWLEST thing I have ever seen since the gnome in the movie "Amelie"...Julie! & Krix you guys are the best masterminds of creativity I have ever seen!!
*watch out Lucas & Spielburg* :)

Posted by: Catz on February 26, 2004 03:05 PM

Krix!!! Julie!!! You girls are amazing! I totally enjoyed my vicarious tour of Amsterdam and can't wait for the next destination.

Julie!, you better be glad you live an ocean away or that cat would be kid...er....cat-napped. Sweet as sweet can be, it is!

Thanks again for the mental vacation. :)

Posted by: r.j.girl on February 26, 2004 03:39 PM

Thanks neo for that tour of Amesterdam. Now I wanna go. ;)
Julie, Krix, very funny stuff.

Posted by: kat on February 26, 2004 03:41 PM

Wow! Wow! Wow! That was just the kewlest thing ever!! Y'all are geniuses...geniii...whatever...

*sigh* I wished I lived someplace interesting and had a digital camera, but ya know, Las Vegas is a heck of a lot more interesting than my home...

I can't wait to see where Neo goes next! Awesome idea!!!

Thank you ALL!!!

Posted by: bakednudel on February 26, 2004 03:45 PM

Bah, I live near D.C...but that's about as far from "interesting" as you can get. :/

Posted by: Mikey2 on February 26, 2004 03:51 PM

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! This is so exciting! I love it, I love it, I love it!!!!!! *glee*

Posted by: Zen on February 26, 2004 03:57 PM

LOL LOL LOL, you posted it! :-D
Hahahaha, I was laughing so hard at the 'Hi mom, thanx for visiting my blog' caption! ;-D

Thanx everyone for your sweet words :-) I'll read them out loud to Foodsnatcher, who misses Neo terribly! The big wuss has gotten so used to having him around! :-)

Oh, & for the 'genuinly interested in our culture': the girl in the white lingerie is actually in the left-bottom corner, I was very sleepy when I wrote this so I made some mistakes!

Thanx for being so cool about the more 'controversial' pics, too :-)
Bwahahahaha, I'm going to have to read Krix's captions again now *snicker* :-D

Posted by: Julie! on February 26, 2004 04:55 PM

sounds like Neo had a great time, I would have him come and visit me, but I am afraid he would get bubbles up his woopzie dazie lol

Posted by: Mrs. Cool Breeze on February 26, 2004 05:04 PM

Lying face down-laughing hysterically!!!!
My favorite pic of the bunch.
Goodness that brings back memories of some of my
old "chemically enhanced" moments!
Thanks for the tour.

Posted by: krissy on February 26, 2004 05:45 PM

He can always come to Hawaii & visit me.

Posted by: Keana on February 26, 2004 06:52 PM

major coolness, thanks for the trip chicks! unfortunately I cannot even imagine in anyones wildest dreams salt lake being considered an exotic local. I'll be traveling vicariously.

Posted by: tess on February 26, 2004 06:54 PM

Hmm, can *I* come to Hawaii? lol
*envisions relaxing on the beach, burnt to a crisp, but not caring because of the...scenery*

Posted by: Mikey2 on February 26, 2004 07:05 PM

I'm soooooo loven this!!! Thanks for the laugh, Krix!!

Posted by: Tharize on February 26, 2004 07:20 PM

oh man, i just spent three days in Nashville -- i bet neo would have liked that! i'm going to Kansas City (sounds like a song, doesn't it?!) in April -- maybe he'd like that too? this is the coolest thing, krix. wheeeeee!

Posted by: lori on February 26, 2004 07:50 PM

ROFLMAO! I love the Wee Neo trips. They are hilarious. Thanks for the laughs krix and Julie!

I think neo's next 'trip' should be a little closer to home with krix and Catz in VEGAS, BABY! Lots of bright lights and photo opps in that big city.

Posted by: sta-cie on February 26, 2004 09:29 PM

A++ for creativity!!

i am waiting for my 12incher..umm ACTION FIGURE ahem! :D..to come in the mail and then i was planning a SMALLER version of this 'roadtrip'...whata kewl idea to send him on a WORLD tour..AWESOME!!

Posted by: Dawni on February 26, 2004 10:48 PM

Hi!Please, update the link of my blog(Sweet Keanu) in your site, now is: Keanu..The One - http://www.onlykeanu.blogger.com.br
*Sorry for my bad english*

Posted by: Michelle on February 26, 2004 10:57 PM

What a wonderful travel account!!! Hilarious! I wish I had known about Neo's plans in advance as Hamburg is only a hop, a skip and a jump away from Amsterdam. BTW, Julie!, weren't there any whole gouda cheeses around? His new clogs look kewl, thx for sharing the road trip adventures with us!

Posted by: Niobe on February 26, 2004 11:09 PM

I'm dyin' here! That was just too funny. I fear that my teddy, Mr. Peabody, is starting to develop the same wanderlust, though...:o)

Posted by: Tabitha on February 27, 2004 12:06 AM

that was just too funny.

i'm in greater London, just got here. Will be here for two weeks. Send Neo over and I'll take him on all the touristy stuff with me.

p.s. Matrix Reloaded was one of the inflight films on British Airways yesterday.

Posted by: lomara on February 27, 2004 01:12 AM

loved that! TREMENDOUSLY :)

Posted by: ratty on February 27, 2004 02:14 AM

Hey Krix, How about my home? Rio de Janeiro? I'm sure he would luv it...
I loved that tour!! I'm still laughing =)

Posted by: Leela on February 27, 2004 03:19 AM

Oh Krix! That was great! Thanks for the laugh! hey! Neo can make his adventures here in Brazil anytime! I swear he will have a GREAT time here, with lots of places to go and very interesting things to do... ;)

Posted by: Ale on February 27, 2004 03:20 AM

Hey Leela! I just posted here...;)
"Great minds think alike"! Anyway, we can do a "little competition" between Rio X Sao Paulo to welcome Neo. :D

Posted by: Ale on February 27, 2004 03:24 AM

Bwahahaha!!! Too bad Neo hadn't arrived in Amsterdam yet when I went to see Julie! What an event that would have been... meeting the wee One!

Ah, The Hague is so totally uninteresting by comparison, I don't think Neo would even consider coming over for a visit.

He might have tea with the Queen, of course. She'd love to have him over, I'm sure. But it's not allowed to take photographs at the palace, so he wouldn't have any pics to send home. And there's the International Court of Justice, just around the corner from where I live. But I'm afraid Neo would create havoc there, and kick serious butt when he sees all these demonstrating Palestinians and Jews.

So even if I had a digital camera... :(

But hey, Neo is ALWAYS welcome if he wants to come over! Any time in the next three years... (After that time he'll have to come by boat. A 'secret' CIA report has revealed that the city of The Hague will be flooded in about three years from now. I'm not worried though. Julie! says I can come and stay with her if this happens...)


Posted by: Maddi on February 27, 2004 05:17 AM

Thank you guys so much for brightening up my bad Friday! I am ROTFLMAO!
Love the pics and commentary. I am looking forward to more or adventures. :-)

Posted by: bluemmbabe on February 27, 2004 05:58 AM

You are awesome! Thank you sooooo much! That made my day!

Posted by: Celeste on February 27, 2004 06:39 AM

Krix & Julie!, you two make a very creative team! Neo is very lucky to have such awesome "travel agents and tour guides"! I'm looking forward to the next adventure!

Posted by: Lisa on February 27, 2004 07:32 AM

If Neo woud like to visit Philadelphia during the summer, I'd be happy to show him the birthplace of the USA. Quoting the last lines of the Decalaration of Independence ...with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor. Sounds like something Neo would dig.

Posted by: Chianti on February 27, 2004 09:17 AM

Hee! Thanks everyone. Neo's next two stops are already booked, but if you are seriously interested I need you to email me, and I will start a list of possible vacation spots and tourguides.

Posted by: krix on February 27, 2004 11:01 AM

Neo goes European Vacation...I like it! He looks great in his wooden shoes! I wonder how Tour Guide Neo feels about the Amana Colonies??? I suspect he is looking for a more exotic location than IA...Aw, sadly hopes and dreams suddenly dashed at the thought. Oh!...I know!...Neo goes Motor City bad boy! Yeah he can come and kick Kid Rock's butt!

Posted by: shelz on February 27, 2004 11:40 AM

Neo goes European Vacation...I like it! He looks great in his wooden shoes! I wonder how Tour Guide Neo feels about the Amana Colonies??? I suspect he is looking for a more exotic location than IA...Aw, sadly hopes and dreams suddenly dashed at the thought. Oh!...I know!...Neo goes Motor City bad boy! Yeah he can come and kick Kid Rock's butt!

Posted by: shelz on February 27, 2004 11:40 AM

Oh!!! My *baby* (he's a bit mine now, too ;-p) is going to go to so many great places!!!
Hawaii sounds perfect! Brazil! Washington DC! (Neo for president in front of the white house, LOL!) and all the other Americanianan places! :-D
London & Hamburg would be perfect too! I've shipped him off to the next stop already before this was posted, but these are all such brilliant spots!!! :-)

Niobe, I *know* :-) I wanted to take him to our flower-fields, too, but they aren't in bloom yet. AND it has been raining non-stop since he arrived, so the locations were limited :-(

And yes Maddi, don't worry, I'll save you when our dykes break!!! I'm an excellent swimmer, and very heroic, too ;-D

Posted by: Julie! on February 27, 2004 11:52 AM

OMG! This is *such* a GREAT idea!!!!!! If you don't mind, I may start up such a style of tradition with some of my friends--I'd love to send around my own Neo, but as to not infringe upon/copy your idea directly maybe I can send my Ted figure around instead...
LOVE THE IDEA SOOOO MUCH!!!...(I did carry around that Ted figure myself for a while after I got it about last year for kinda good luck...who knows:D)
I'd love to host Neo here but it'd prolly be hard to do (mostly in sending him home tho...maybe I would if I try it out on friends...)

Posted by: stacey717 on February 27, 2004 02:45 PM

Hey Ale! He can do both (places, i mean) on the same trip, huh? ;-)

Posted by: Leela on February 27, 2004 05:13 PM

LMAO!! he has to come to Philadelphia, don't know if that would qualify cause he's already been the Prince OF Pennsylvania :)
hugs and God bless your friend

Posted by: Janice on February 28, 2004 07:27 AM

Thanks for that Krix and Julie!! That was awesome! I have been laughing for an hour.

I'll bet he'd love to see Atlanta, GA but I don't have a digital camera right now.

Foodsnatcher looks just like a stray cat I am attempting to make into a pet; I'm doing pretty well so far but he would only sniff little Neo then run from him.

Posted by: Tawny on February 28, 2004 08:27 AM
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