Keanu's horoscope this week is sort of creepy, yet boring so I'm posting mine instead.
ARIES (March 21-April 19): For many male athletes, having sex before a big game is taboo. They believe it saps their energy and hurts their chances of winning. The coach of the Chinese Olympic ping-pong team has gone even further, banning his players from falling in love. In my opinion, this approach is crazy and wrong. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, the best way for you to prime yourself for your upcoming moment of truth is by enjoying as much sweet affection and erotic delight as you dare.
Even Brezsny knows I need to get laid.