December 22, 2003
SFX sweet on Constantine, snarks Keanu

My secret internet boyfriend, James (formerly known as "Funk") typed up this Constantine article in from the current SFX magazine.

CONSTANTINE "From Hell they came... to Hell they went!"

Keanu as John Constantine

THE BUZZ: **** (out of 5)

Director: Francis Lawrence
Starring: Keanu Reeves, Rachel Weisz, Tilda Swinton

THE WORD: Celluloid incarnation of cult comic book occultist John Constantine. First glimpsed in the pages of Swamp Thing then elevated to star status in his own title - the macabre Hellblazer, showcase for such British talents as Warren Ellis and Glenn Fabry - Constantine is a tumbledown, trenchcoat-clad anti-hero, battling demons both personal and all too external. The movie relocates him from the diseased London of the comics, finding satanic shadows in Los Angeles. It's been pitched to the suits as "Dirty Harry meets The Exorcist", so expect a storyline that streamlines the dense, skewed imaginings of the comic book in favour of a multiplex-soothing adventure tale.

BOX OFFICE BLAST OR BOMB?: The character of John Constantine was originally modelled on Sting, later pursued by Nicholas Cage and eventually snatched by Keanu Reeves who is, let's face it, absolutely no-one's idea of a grizzled, Silk Cut-sucking Scouser. They may have rebranded Constantine as an American, but can the famously pine-finish thesping talents of Reeves convey the twisted depths the role demands? There's fine support from The Mummy's Rachel Weisz as Angela Dodson, a police officer who teams with Constantine to investigate her twin sister's mysterious death, and The Beach's Tilda Swanson as the angel Gabriel, but Keanu surely remains the weakest link. Hellblazer writer Warren Ellis believes he's in with a chance, though. "I think Reeves is an interesting choice because he can get at that other part of Constantine, the part that demands social justice and exists in ethical turmoil..."

Thanks, Mr Ellis.

Can we keep the rest of these schmendriks (™Chianti) from reviewing performances they haven't even seen?

It's nice to see that the buzz for the movie is good, though.

constantine | from inside the mind of krix at December 22, 2003 09:44 AM .

yeah, we all know what happens when one assumes...and how could this dude say our keanu couldn't be seen as grizzled and "Silk-Cut sucking" (okay, the "scouser" i'll give him)?? feh on all pre-views, i say. keanu rocks (and might i just add that i'm madly deeply in love with Shane Falco again, after watching The Replacements last night for the millionth time).

Posted by: lori on December 22, 2003 10:11 AM

I fail to understand how a film can be reviewed by these so-called critics when it does not sound or look like the movie is finished yet or comes even close to being completed?????? What gives?
I don't get it.

Posted by: Nadia on December 22, 2003 10:24 AM

Pardon me, but what exactly is a "scouser?" Never heard of the word before.

Posted by: Nadia on December 22, 2003 10:36 AM

Lori, then you may be interested in this as a Christmas present to yourself.

Posted by: krix on December 22, 2003 10:40 AM

Merriam-Webster says:
Pronunciation: 'skau-s&r
Function: noun
Date: 1959
: a native or inhabitant of Liverpool, England

Posted by: krix on December 22, 2003 10:42 AM

Hey you, SFX! *sticks tongue out*

*regains composure*

Yay! krix is back. How do the krixmas decorations look?

Posted by: Zen on December 22, 2003 11:34 AM

Subtle. ;) I may have a minimalist themed tree this year because I cannot find the ornaments.

I did get all of my shopping and wrapping done, though. I still need to sew new catnip mice for Humphrey and Shock (A krix tradition).

Posted by: krix on December 22, 2003 11:51 AM

Awwwwe. Humphrey and Shock are so lucky! :)
*whispers* Don't tell anyone but I'm drinking homemade old-fahioned eggnog (spiked with much rum and whiskey) at work. It's okay. My boss is too. ;)

Posted by: Zen on December 22, 2003 12:00 PM

*Zen*, we had eggnog too at work but only after closing time... can't scare our customers away by giggling uncontrollably ;-)
My godson gave me Red Pills and Matrix Code to put in my tree, sweet child - ahem, he's twenty, the "little one", and it goes well with my traditional red and gold ornaments!

Posted by: Niobe on December 22, 2003 01:11 PM

good lord, krix, what a most excellent suggestion -- i've put in a bid, and i'm sure it will become a bidding war before the end of the day tomorrow. to wear his jersey **sigh**...

Posted by: lori on December 22, 2003 01:27 PM

Cheers! Babe!

Posted by: Keanuette on December 22, 2003 02:21 PM

"Sew new catnip mice"...what a nice tradition! Is there any end to your creative abilities? :)

I know this is a little early but I won't be online for the next few days, Happy Holidays Krix and to all the keanuvision bloggers out there!!!

Posted by: Lisa on December 22, 2003 02:23 PM

Okay. I hate to be *this* stupid this close to Christmas, but I just have to ask. I now know what a Scouser is, but what exactly is a "Silk Cut-sucking" one? And you must know that I have already tried looking it up (although I did have the suspicion that it would be in vain). God, I hate it when I'm stupid. Maybe Santa will drop a big batch of comprehensive sense down my chimney for me!

And good luck, Lori, on your bid. I'm rootin' for ya!!!

Posted by: r.j.girl on December 22, 2003 04:21 PM

"Silk-Cuts" are cigarettes, rj :)
I don't know if that's a real brand (british if so) or not.

Posted by: krix on December 22, 2003 04:23 PM

Yay! Thanks, krix. If you only knew how much it drives me crazy not to know the meaning of something! word of the day. :)

Posted by: r.j.girl on December 22, 2003 04:47 PM

Ok, confession time. Me, myself, and I did not know what "Silk Cut-sucking" meant either! Jeez...I seriously need to get out more! :)

Thanks Krix! Wishing everyone a delightful and safe holiday season.

Posted by: Nadia on December 22, 2003 05:57 PM

Hey, Nadia...
Just stick with me and I'll *always* make you feel smart, because MANY is the time I am clueless! ;)

Posted by: r.j.girl on December 22, 2003 07:59 PM

Well colour me stupid too, cause I didn't know what Silk Cut meant either, gals.

Posted by: Zen on December 23, 2003 05:21 AM

Uh, just stepping in to say that not only is Silk Cut a British cigarette, it is a real one. That is, you can buy them, like Marlboros. I don't know if they are "strong" or not as I don't smoke.

Posted by: bakednudel on December 23, 2003 06:47 AM

Silk Cuts are girly cigarettes. How Constantine ever got cancer from them, I don't know.

What's with all this "boyfriend" business, eh?

Posted by: James on December 29, 2003 12:06 PM

Silk Cuts are the most tasteless, weak and nicotine-deficient cigarettes available in the UK. Except of course for Silk Cut Ultra Lights. Though since I've given up smoking for Christmas this naturally no longer means anything to me. Ahem... //strums fingers repeatedly//

Posted by: Danny JP on December 29, 2003 12:06 PM

Shhhh! James, it's a secret.

Danny, good luck on the smoking thing, I quit last June.

Posted by: krix on December 29, 2003 12:15 PM

He called K "pine-finished"? I'll kill him.

Posted by: Bethanie on December 29, 2003 04:12 PM

Silk Cut tastes fouler than the Witch's tit!!!

don't now about the cancer factor, but i thought it's one of those rubbish fags that CAN kil you, if you're stupid enough to chainsmoke them...

Posted by: Rogan on January 7, 2004 03:13 PM

Silk Cut tastes fouler than the Witch's tit!!!

don't now about the cancer factor, but i thought it's one of those rubbish fags that CAN kil you, if you're stupid enough to chainsmoke them...

Posted by: Rogan on January 7, 2004 03:14 PM
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