(cool, I can put links in the titles...)

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): I figure you've served enough time as a scapegoat to last you forever. You've shouldered the blame and accepted the responsibility far more than your fair share. Therefore, dear Virgo, in accordance with the laws of karma and by decree of the cosmic enforcers of balance, you are hereby authorized to be a prince or princess this Halloween. You're further entitled to corral a volunteer to dress up as your "Prugelknaben." In old Germany, this was a companion who served as a stand-in scapegoat, getting spanked every time the prince or princess misbehaved.

I volunteer to be Keanu's Prugelknaben, but only if he does the spanking.